Single Love Chronicles : The Season my heart SHATTERED to pieces..

Single Love Chronicles : The Season my heart SHATTERED to pieces..: Yea many chicks say this, but for me it was not a cliche! I remember this season of life vividly because it was life-altering! December o...

The Season my heart SHATTERED to pieces..

Yea many chicks say this, but for me it was not a cliche! I remember this season of life vividly because it was life-altering!

December of 2009 I was finalizing my internship preparing to enter my career as an elementary school teacher. I began to feel sick, nauseated, and full of confusion, later discovering I was expecting a baby. I was supposed to be entering my career instead I was going to be entering motherhood (a lifelong title I was not mentally prepared for) fresh out of college. My child's father was surprised, but the journey ahead was one I was not prepared for. So there I was trying to process that me, Jennifer, honor's graduate, an AKA, a free spirited girl was about to be a little persons mom. Okay! I prepared to have a healthy and happy pregnancy which I did until my third trimester. BOOM, my child's father would not be around to assist me during birth. It was a tough pill to swallow that I would be pushing out this innocent life ALONE. Then BOOM, shattering news that another baby was on the way (NOT BY ME). Wait what?! Yeap at that moment I could no longer bear the burden of hurt, depression, sorrow, worry, and anxiety that I was a young, black, single mother.

Days before I gave birth to my son.


I could not process what was happening during this season. It felt like my life was caving in. The guy I loved was unfaithful and planted kids elsewhere. I am supposed to be working as a teacher yet I'm nursing a newborn. I'm supposed to be enjoying my life instead I'm making WIC appointments. It was in that season, I decided not to be statistic! You know the "angry baby momma syndrome"! I was not going to rely on the system of this world (aka the government) or child support to provide for my kid. I had to become resolved within myself to face that I was broken mentally and emotionally. I had to cope with the reality of being a young single mother. I had to face the fact that feelings existed, but had to be purged out of my soul and heart.

You see in that season it appeared that all hell broke loose, but the bad situation(s) happened to move me closer into God's hand because I would have stayed in the mess although I was miserable. I realized that it was GOD'S plan for everything to occur the way it did! The heartache drew me closer to Him, prayer, and a consecrated lifestyle transformation. I did not want to carry on through life with bitterness and vindictive spite instead I chose to forgive and love as Christ loved me. I had to ask God to restore my ability to trust once again and pray that my desire to love be restored. Because of Him, I was able to push past the pain to provide the BEST life for my child. I had to come to God carrying my shattered heart for Him to mend it. I had to call out the truth of my heart and allow Jesus to mend my delicate heart back together like a mosaic masterpiece.

During that season, I learned Christ as my healer, restorer, deliverer, comforter, provider, and redeemer. Ladies, I share this with you to trust in God during seasons like the one I went through. It was not easy, but it was bearable. It was Christ who gave me the strength to endure it with a smile (literally)! Ladies, I was tired of holding on to unforgiveness and pain. Are you? Then Christ can take it away. I was embarrassed and broken (Christ had more things to reveal to me if I did not walk away from the relationship), but wanted out of it in my heart and soul. How broken and embarrassed will you have to be for Him to get your attention?

Ladies (and Gents) I want you to know that Christ loves you unconditionally and will do what ever it takes to draw you to Him for his purpose and glory. Whatever season you may be in, it may be rough, embarrassing, and hurts the very core of your heart, but gravitate towards Him. He will restore you in no time.

Enjoying life with my son.

Reflect on these scriptures

Psalms 34:18 NLT The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalms 55:22 NLT Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.
Romans 8:28 NLT And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

XOXO,

Jenn

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